


Undone

by Specialist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 6x22, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-21
Updated: 2011-05-21
Packaged: 2017-10-19 16:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Specialist/pseuds/Specialist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Knee-jerk reaction drabble to Season 6 Finale. Castiel monologue. Confession: only watched second to last and finale of Season 6. Basically Castiel fan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undone

"But we were family once," begins Dean, and, even knowing he should know better, Castiel listens to Dean speak, transfixed.

Once he had faith.

But God is dead to him now.

Once he had trust.

But Dean, at the end, threw it out.

Castiel used to believe he needed others to live. A Father to believe in. Friends to trust. He had not been strong enough to live alone.

He does not need anyone now.

Now, he is strong enough to exist alone.

Alone, forever, on his absent Father's throne.

To lead Sisters and Brothers who will worship him out of fear, out of hate, and out of mindless faith.

To watch over humans who care for nothing for themselves and who take and never give. Beings who welcome him when they need him but turn him away when he needs them.

Castiel listens to Dean speak, but he is watching Dean's face; he hears what Dean does not say with every careful word he does.

Once Castiel felt betrayed by his Father because He did not reward his faith.

Now Castiel thinks he understands.

This must have been how Father felt when Lucifer-- his favorite and most loved child-- threw himself from Heaven with his other children. Untrusting and proud, with lies of love on their lips but fear of Him in their hearts.

He does not feel anything now.

Castiel has cast himself down this road by choosing to protect his friends, for whom his love is second only to, perhaps, his love for Father.

His friends, who are not his friends, who might have never ever been his friends.

"You're not my family, Dean," says Castiel, for a moment uncertain if he is right. "I have no family."

The others would say Castiel has won, but Castiel looks at Dean--for whom he has given almost everything except the one thing he has asked of Dean-- who says he would have died for Castiel even though he does not believe it, with terror in his heart and mistrust in his eyes.

He feels the sick, burning, empty ache in his chest, which vibrates with the hurt fury of countless corrupted souls, die at the stab of an angel-slaying blade through his heart. A weapon meant to kill him, brought by Dean, placed by Sam's hand.

A weapon that would have killed him if he had believed Dean once more.

If he had done what Dean said.

He would be dead now.

He would have been dead.

But Castiel didn't.

As long as Castiel is certain he is right, he wouldn't be.

Winning, then, is the only difference between Lucifer's rebellion and his.

That, and that Castiel knows now.

He has won for nothing.


End file.
